So we’re back in action with a double IUI (our first back-to-back ever), and as usual, when I try to figure out whether we got the timing correct, I feel total uncertainty.
I had been testing on my own with OPKs (both the cheapies and Clearblue digitals) twice a day to see if I could be more precise about pinpointing when my surge began. When I got a positive on the morning of CD14 (after a negative the evening before), I was flustered. In the past, we’ve done an IUI 24 hours after the morning surge (twice) and 36 hours after a trigger (once). Since all three of those failed, the amateur scientist in me felt like we needed to do something different this time.
So we did an IUI the afternoon of the surge and the following morning–that’s 7 hours and 27 hours after the positive OPK. Of course I got myself upset by doing another OPK at work before the first IUI and getting a negative result–did that mean my surge had passed? Was I ovulating? Did I not hold my pee long enough? Was the first one a false positive? WHAT DO THE WOMEN ON THE MESSAGE BOARDS SAY ABOUT THIS??
(Answers: who knows, could be, hard to tell, maybe, WILDLY DIFFERENT THINGS OF VARYING ACCURACY.)
I called my doctor, who told me to go right into the bathroom at work and give myself the Ovidrel shot and go ahead with the IUIs as planned and stop looking at OPKs. I get the sense sometimes that her mind is elsewhere, as if on the other end of the telephone she was casually paging through a magazine and telling me “not to worry about it.” I also get the sense–though this is a highly reputable clinic–that the nurses aren’t all pulling from the same body of research. (One tells me frozen sperm live for 48 hours, another tells me 72. The internet tells me 12-24. OMG WTF BBQ??)
The stress of that piled up and I had to take a few minutes in the car before the first IUI so I could have a sob. My wife is good and hugged me and didn’t try to talk me down from the ledge, which I always appreciate.
After that I was fine. Our nurse was named Dory and my wife found great delight in putting her lips to my belly afterwards and calling out for them to “keep on swimming!” Then I went to my new acupuncturist, who put electric needles in my abdomen and fixed beads on my ear for me to press for the next few days.
Then Elizabeth and I both took off work today for the second IUI, which went smoothly as well (a full bladder really makes things so much more pleasant) and afterwards we napped and read and lay around the house while outside it snowed what I hope is the last snow of the season.
Now that the 2WW has begun, the doubts have started to creep back in: Because I don’t feel cramping during the IUI, is the nurse even putting anything in me? What if all the sperm got stuck in the catheter? What if they fell out when I peed? Where’s all my EWCM this month? Should we have waited to do the second later today, or tomorrow morning?
These are childish worries, similar to the fears I have when I’m flying: How does a big heavy airplane carrying people and luggage stay in the sky and not fall???
Trying to let go of all of those worries and just keep my belly relaxed means that I really have to stay mindful and not let my attention drift off as it pleases. Keeping distracted is good, too. And laughing. Lots and lots of laughing.