A week ago today I had my 5th iui. I wish I had something to report, but I don’t.
Other than some monster ovulation pain the day of the iui (thanks, Clomid!), I’ve felt totally, disappointingly normal. No symptoms at all. I have some emotion-feels about that.
The 2WW is really like some kind of backwards twilight zone, where nausea and cramping and suffering are good signs, things that make you really happy to experience. But this peaceful, asymptomatic wellbeing is a total bummer. And then there are days 7-10 where you’re hoping to see blood every time you go to the bathroom (implantation!), but then by day 13 you feel a wash of relief when the toilet paper comes back white (no period!).
Near the end of our last 2WW I went to pee and had a moment of early-morning confusion when I wiped–what was it I wanted to see today? What day was it? Where is the calendar?
Anyway, this time around we’re doing nothing. No early testing, no BBT charting. Not even really talking about babies or the process or what we even plan on doing next. We have one vial of our donor left, and roughly enough infertility coverage left to pay for most of one more cycle. Then our coverage ends until 2015. So the plan is likely one more cycle and then another break, unfortunately.
I’ll be 33 in March, and the closer I get to that birthday, the louder the clock ticks. Every month is starting to feel meaningful, precious. A slowly fading tide. A draining bathtub. Other metaphors, etc. When we started this process in January I really did not expect to enter August still un-pregnant. Elizabeth is going on a trip with her friends later this month, and when she made the plans in January, I said, “But I could be eight months pregnant then!” Now the idea seems kind of hilarious–but that’s the attitude you have to have when you enter in to this whole TTC thing: expect everything, be ready for nothing.
Wishing everyone in the 2WW some peace!