Chugging along at 9w2d

Not too much to report, other than that the nausea and headaches been constant and unforgiving. And the DREAMS! I feel so exhausted every morning when I wake up, because the whole night has been fraught with complicated narratives and long-forgotten memories. Vivid images from summer camp, lyrics from songs I haven’t heard in fifteen years–it’s like my childhood is unfolding again before my eyes.

I had my first prenatal visit with an NP on Monday. I had a little wriggling hope that she might try to Doppler me, but it was just an hour of questions: Do I smoke? Am I depressed? Have I had a flu shot?

Then she plopped a 200-page booklet on pregnancy and child-rearing on my lap, and I began to feel a little overwhelmed as I flipped through it. There are so many things to consider! In-rooming, breastfeeding, natural delivery, etc. etc. I feel like anything beyond the first trimester still feels a little unreal.

We have our nuchal translucency scan and 12-week ultrasound scheduled for June 3. My wife and I were at first a little unsure whether we wanted to do any screening at all, but my parents had a daughter with spina bifida before I was born, and as the weeks go by I feel a little more nervous and want to be prepared for anything.

Other than that, I feel crappy most of the time, exhausted and sick, but with this underpinning of excruciating joy. It’s a bizarre feeling. I tear up at everything in the world, which I just now realized is SO beautiful.

Also, my belly has started to poke out down low, over my uterus, though I’ve actually lost 6 pounds. My wife made me a little nest in her office so I could take a nap on the floor during my lunch break today. Life is good.


Heartbeat, love, and nausea at 7w3d

I was so nervous before our scan today–but all went well. Our little frog measured right on target at 7w3d, and so we graduated from our infertility clinic and are headed out into the big wide world of OB-land.

I wasn’t expecting the heartbeat to look so much like–well, a heart? A human heart beating?–and I was so moved I couldn’t say anything as we watched it on the screen. Just holy, silent tears. I felt the swell of overwhelming love that I feel for my dog (which, to be fair, is the extent of my experience with maternal love so far), and the whole sensation was so pleasurable that I was bummed when the tech pulled out the wand and pronounced us “graduated.” I could have watched for hours.


I called our new OB office as soon as we got home, and got an appointment with a nurse practitioner on the books for May 11. We don’t get to see the actual OB (and get another scan) until 12 weeks, which feels SO far away.

On the symptoms front, I am full-fledged nauseated. All day every day, and all night, too. It started Friday afternoon and hasn’t let up. I get very confused, because historically when I am nauseated, it is because I am sick, and thus the rules are:

1. Pay attention to how you feel!
2. Get rest!
3. Don’t eat anything or you’ll throw up!

But the rules of pregnancy nausea are different, as I’m figuring out. They are:

1. Ignore it; it’s not going away for a long time!
2. Keep working and suck it up!

I have so many food aversions it’s hard to find things I can stomach, but I’m learning that grazing on crackers and apples all day long helps keep everything down. Also I only want red meat, which is odd for me as a mostly-vegetarian. Very counterintuitive. I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping at night because I’m too nauseated to lie on my side or back; I have to sit up, and between the positioning and the nonstop vivid dreams, I’m pretty cranky and tired all the time.

My acupuncturist gave me acupressure bracelets, and I’ve been sipping peppermint tea and ginger ale. Also thinking about that little beating frog heart helps a lot. Any other tips for dealing with the nausea? (which, I want to add, is TOTALLY WORTH IT?)